Open Letter from Someone Who Hasn’t Watched Game of Thrones

One fateful evening in 2011, I was watching Fox Movies Premium when I first came across a trailer for Game of Thrones. I thought it to be a fairy tale-like epic story which might resemble Once Upon a Time. Needless to say my 15 year old self was extremely innocent and naive and she would scream in horror if she saw what I have now become: a writer who hasn’t watched the grown-up version of Once Upon a Time but spends her time working for a crude humour website that makes Meena memes.

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If I had known back then the kind of impact Game of Thrones would have on our nation, I would have packed my bags and illegally crossed the border to Meghalaya to become a goat herder at once. Gone have the golden days of the greatest show ever, that is, of course, Alif Layla, and it has been replaced by Game of Thrones. The youth of our country has become 2khewl4AlifLayla. No wonder JajaborTheNomad keeps complaining about torun shomaj er obokkhoy.

The way things are looking, it seems to me that within just a few years, planet earth will be walked upon by way too many (to be precise 213 as of now, solely in the USA) people named Khaleesi. I, for one wouldn’t be naming my kid “Khaleesi”, not just because I prefer Priyongbodashyamangiborsha to Daenerys but also because I have an utter aversion towards the unbelievably outspoken fandom of Game of Thrones.

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Now that I’ve established myself as the most loathsome, brainless, tasteless dimwit in the midst of millions of tasteful and classy Game of Thrones fans, who look down upon me every single moment from the second I get out of my home, as I try to run fast through the hallways towards my classroom with my head lowered, lest I should get laughed at by my classy peers who eat, sleep, breathe and fap Game of Thrones, I will delve deeper into discussing why I hate what this fandom has become.

Here’s the thing, I have no personal propaganda against this TV series apart from its hardcore and mostly kamla fans who have made it their sole purpose of life to consume the entire population who want nothing but to keep to their own devices and don’t want to give a frack about whatever goes on inside that fandom. But will they ever be so fortunate to be able to do that? The answer is unsurprisingly negative because Everyone.Must.Be.A.GoT.Fan.

All ten months of the year when the show remains in hiatus, people like I pray and hope that the months of April, May and June pass without us having to be greatly humiliated for our lack of knowledge on their favourite show. During these three months we try not to get out of our homes too much since doing that would mean making ourselves vulnerable to the sheer insult and mortification by the fans. So we lock ourselves and try to feel better by stalking the GoT fandom on Facebook, 80% of which consists of wannabes. All of them kamlaz with their mainstream Winter Is Cumming t-shirts with that weird looking doggy’s face, and “watchin GoT, denaris iz smokin’ hot” status updates and uncountable memes featuring Jon Snow (The Dude Who Knows Nothing), Khailaisi (Mother of Dragon Person) and a whole lotta Starks and Lannisters who seem to have a knack for incestuous relationships. I hate to break it to you, random GoT fan, I do not watch your show yet I know these, not because I’ve approximate knowledge about most fandoms but due to experiencing your intolerable never-ending blabbering about the show.

On the worst days, you find yourself to be the only ‘uneducated’ person at a gathering of compulsive Game of Thrones fanboys/fangirls. This usually happens right after the first episode of a new season comes out. You go to sleep one night, feeling happy and content about your choice of friends and the next morning you find out that they have no problem leaving you out of every conversation, since all conversations must be about Game of Thrones now. One cannot possibly consider talking about anything other than a TV show that contains considerable amount of sex and violence for even one minute of the day.

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Now, this is bound to happen when a show is hugely popular all over the world, after all. But how do you think it feels when you are somewhat forced to listen to a sort of pathetic yet highly enthusiastic, detailed discussion on the sex scenes, about which you know nothing? (No puns intended.)

It feels awful to have turned into a social outcast overnight. Still, I consider myself lucky because I know a few other people who have not watched GoT. I try sticking with them whenever I have to go out in public but it is not always that easy, as interacting with different people seems to be an essential part of being an adult. However, in case you happen to find someone of your kind, HUG THEM TIGHT AND NEVER LET THEM GO. They shall be your only real friends for the next three months and trust me, you need each other.

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Nevertheless, there are still some fans who have managed to keep themselves sane and don’t feel the urge to turn every random shiz into something GoT related (for example, making the debate tournament of their university Game of Thrones themed). Kudos to them for not turning their obsession into a matter of national concern. Also, I feel morally obligated to defend the SuperDuperUltraEliteBooklovers who have painstakingly devoured all 5 books and often get astronomically offended by whatever the show has done to the work of art by GRR Martin. These fans who know that the series goes way beyond the superficial sex-scenes and everyone in the show ending up dead, have still kept my faith in humanity, at least to some extent.

Lastly I’d like to say that almost all of my friends are in the fandom and I still love you wholeheartedly even though you get on my nerves, make me want to shave off Modi’s beard and take a trip to jahannam-er chourasta victimized by your endless judgements about my taste in TV shows and my life choices.

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A moment of silence for our brothers and sisters who haven’t watched Game of Thrones. If you are ever in need of a friend, know that we shall be here for you.

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