Girlfriend Hunting in a Bangladeshi Coaching Center: Part 2

Find Part 1 here.

Day 4

Dejected from my experience on the last day, I walked into the next class. I had masturbated the last night out of frustration, and my dick was tucked away in a corner of my underwear like a tiny piece of noodle. Yes, I wore underwear; I was so depressed I didn’t even want to put my ass on display. That’s when magic ensued and I saw the girl I was looking for, a beautiful creature teetering on the edges of womanhood, straight out of a Savita@18 comic book. Class hadn’t started yet, so I went up to her, with collars popped like Cantona Shakib Khan, and said, “Hi.” She scowled, said, “I have a boyfriend. He’s completing his MBA in Australia,” and turned her face the other way. I was furious, how dare she snub me like that, I just said hi, it wasn’t even a proposal. Yes, I was eventually going to propose but she should have at least given me the chance to do that before saying no.I was about to walk away feeling depressed but another girl, who was sitting beside the first girl, waved ‘hi’ at me. We talked.

Day 5

The feeling of being in love is similar to having the urge to take a shit. It’s intense, you have to work hard to keep yourself behaving normally in both cases, and you know an exciting experience is about to take place in your life. In the case of the urge to take a shit, it’s taking the shit; in case of love, it’s sex. And that was how I was feeling. I had proposed to her the other night on Facebook, and she had said ‘ya, I wnt 2 b ur gf’.
I met her outside the coaching centre two hours before class and we had our first date. She was conventionally shy and I, my macho self. I flexed at every opportunity to let her know that the fat hid some muscles underneath, I even did a couple of squats at one point to show her how fit I was. Sex was imminent unless we had a class to go to.
As we made our way to class together, we were met with a herd of aunties once again. They attacked with their stares but I thought ignoring it would be the best thing to do. As I walked away, I could hear whispers about noshto chelepele and meyetar future gelo behind me. News had spread of my love affair, I couldn’t say I was displeased.


Day 6

I will never know if I was a kiss and tell, because it never went that far. But I was excited about my new girlfriend, and through Facebook and my real life network of two friends, I tried to make it known to as many people as possible. But I wouldn’t if I knew it would boil down to 7 kamlas blocking my path on the way to class. They took all my money and my Nokia 1100, then hit me with it because it was so old and heavy, and one of them put their hands down my pants and did something and then said, “I will do that with a knife next time you lay your eyes on my girl.” Bloody and bruised, without a phone and as broke as Greece, I made my way to class hoping to be comforted by my girl, whom I had decided I would fight for. I got there and I saw my girl surrounded by the same guy that had put his hands down my pants a couple of minutes ago. She looked at me and said, “Stop following me around and don’t try to talk to me. I am with this random kamla now.” I would have been heartbroken but I was wondering if that guy would hit me if I asked for my phone back. My score on Classic Snake was incredibly high and I hadn’t shown enough people.


Within the span of seven days, I had gone from being a loser to a loser, with seven days of loser in between. My coaching center love story didn’t work out for many reasons, but it doesn’t mean yours won’t. Just make sure the girl doesn’t already have a hoard of kamla admirers. I’ve been mugged six times by that same group of people since then, and been beaten up many times. Honestly, it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t even get to have sex.


Cover design by ObviousNoodles.



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