How to Get A Girl

Men have, from time immemorial, wanted to get laid. Apparently this is the one thing constant for all things with a penis. When paying bills, getting an appointment with the dentist, doing math, shaving their pubes, getting a Nobel prize , etc, men would much rather prefer getting in close physical proximity with one of the female kind rather than doing whatever they were doing. Which is why I, a female, will tell you exactly what will work on us. Take note, boys.


1. The Hipster:

First off, get a DSLR camera. You must then carry it around everywhere to all social gatherings, women will flock to you expecting a new Facebook profile picture – this is fact. Whip out your equipment – i.e camera (keep your pants on we’re getting there) – and proceed to take artsy photographs of aforementioned women. Upload these pictures on Facebook and as a DSLR makes these women look better than they can ever hope in real life, they will, in hopes of more photo sessions, befriend you (that is say, more than hi and walk away). Phase 1 is complete.

Next, proceed to acquire a scarf and large glasses. Wear these at all times and brownie points if you carry a book around and know the names of obscure bands. Congratulations women now find you mysterious and complicated.

Have conversations like these with women:

“Hey tumi kar gaan shunteso?”
“Arefin Rumeyr. Onek indie. Your probably haven’t heard of him.”

2. The Photoshop:

Take a single picture of yourself, preferably a selfie with a squinty eyed look. Then turn brightness, contrast and blur to that sweet-spot where you look like a cross between tinker bell and Edward Cullen. Upload that on a social networking site with a caption that either contains the word devil/Lucifer, irrelevant song lyrics or contains hieroglyphs. Additional but not necessary steps include changing your background to a blazing inferno or one of those shiny cars off of top gear.  Panties drop so hard they’ll be halfway to China.


3. The Romeo:

Unbuttoned red shirt, gelled up spikes for hair, raybon sunglasses, golden chains, ear ring. Standing outside the all-girls colleges, leaning against a motorcycle. She walks out after class, takes one look at you and you know you’re getting laid tonight.

Ladies please, control yourself.

4. The “I do genjam”:

Everyone knows women like bad boys and genjam is the pinnacle of bad boy-giri. All you have to do is periodically be involved in beating someone up or getting beat up or some combination of the two. Nothing says “I love you” like beating all the competition to a bloody pulp. The genjam guys often already have cute nicknames like “Rog Kata Pappu” or “Kopa Selim”, and everyone knows girls love nicknames. Girls love genjam boys because according to them they’re too busy breaking bones and public property to break hearts.

5. The Persistent Caller:

Remember when we were taught never to give up. Well remember that! Call her up at all hours. ALL HOURS. You don’t know her name? DOESN’T MATTER! If love at first sight is considered cute imagine how adorable love at first sound is??

“Hello? Apni kake chachen?”
“Ami… apnake chacchi.”


6. 8===============D Big Dick Playa’ AKA amar nunu boro:

Self explanatory.


The possibilities are endless.

And there you have it. It probably won’t work if you’re ugly, though.



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