The other day, my 13 year old student wanted to know if I joined Sarahah and termed it as the “next best thing”. It certainly deserved a superlative degree but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t “best”. By the time I got home, I found my Facebook news feed on fire with people sharing teal screenshots of their Sarahah accounts. The sight of people diving neck deep into a sea of gloating, oh what a beautiful thing to see. What I gathered in the next one hour confirmed it as a glorious opportunity for your inner sexually deprived leech to flourish, without the risk of getting caught and the subsequent gonodholai.
Sarahah(haha) marks another step towards our society becoming an episode from Black Mirror.
So what charms does Sarahah posses?
1. “WITNESS ME”:
I ask you this, is there any better way to prove your worth than having an anonymous person text you about how jealous they are of you? Or to hear words like
Tomae dekle mone hoe, hagar bocor tomar sata, cilo poricoe
that would put cassanova to shame? “But what will you do with them?” I hear you ask. Well, you just veeeery subtly post them on your Facebook profile and now EVERYONE knows what a sneaky little heartbreaker you are. Or if you happen to be a bold voyeur or a simple sex-deprived bangali then voila, them texts would get maggi-masala off the market overnight.
2. “Im s0 lonely, brok3n angle”
This category is rather sad and I’m okay with them using Sarahah to some extent. These people get a Sarahah account for similar reasons they keep accepting requests from “Nil Akasher Tara” or “Stunning Angel Zara” on Facebook. A thirst for company so severe that you start confessing to yourself anonymously.
3. “Appi nyc lagca” got old but they haven’t moved on yet:
We all have that one friend who is obsessed with dead memes. The anonymity of Sarahah allows them to post ironic comments without seeming like the utterly uncool uncle who still says ho tarpor ar ki ki kormu ekta list de. All I have to say to the person who still says “nyc appi” to girls on Sarahah is, “tor shaban slow naki re?”
4. “They hate us because they anus”
This bunch doesn’t have much luck even in Sarahah I tell you (sorry to burst your bubbles). Mostly, they are blessed with passive aggressive texts. At best they get texts like
you are like a kochi coconut… HOLLOW inside.
And boy oh boy do they know how to make the best of that situation. You’ll see them posting their hate message with texts such as these
Proud to be me 🙂
If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best 🙂
5. When you feel you don’t have enough filtered messages and you opt for Sarahah
tomar pasa ta 💯💯
What can I say, it’s time to call a spade, a spade. There are people among us who take pleasure in nurturing and cultivating message requests. They have memorized each and every one of those texts and want to expand that shonar dim para hash, so speak of the devil Sarahah. Now they can gloat not only about the spam items on Facebook but also what people have to tell them about their personali-tits.
6. When all your friends got Sarahah so you low-key get one too
This is the bunch who will eventually end up in government jobs later in their lives, ride in luxury cars, and preside over events as chief guests. They don’t have a say in whatever their friends are into as long as they can reap the benefits off of them. So when their friends have gotten Sarahah, they vacillate, recall what their parents said, recall what the neighbor said about online harassment the other day, and lastly give in and create a Sarahah account. They only stay active by boosting their friends’ Sarahah accounts with nice comments and keeping the bond strong.
Cover design by TehObscureGhoast